I made this transcript for my KND website. It's actually really interesting and kinda funny even if you've never heard of or seen KND. If you get a chance, read it. It's a spoof of an episode on the Animatrix. And you don't have to go anywhere cause I LJ cut the whole thing here. It took me 2 hours and 30 minutes to do.
NOW LOADING: KIDS NEXT DOOR MISSION
Ancient Recorded Children’s History Is Very Enlightening
Writing Operatives: Mr. Warburton, Mo Willems
Storyboard Operatives: Guy Moore with Quack Leard
Transcript Operative: Numbuh 434
Computer: Now accessing historical databases. You have selected historical file number
72368, the creation of adults.
Numbuh 1: In the beginning there were children, and for a time it was pretty cool. The
kids played on the beaches, explored the wild forests, and relaxed in the fields. The world
was their big endless playground. They built themselves simple tree houses and they
lived without rules or naptimes. But it was not long before they became bored, as
children do. Soon their perfect society gave way to laziness.
Thus did children decided to create adults, in their own image. Only fatter, funnier
looking and bigger so they could reach cereal boxes on higher shelves. The children
dressed the adults in stupid outfits so they could laugh at them and gave them goofy
names like Mr. Ploppit. The adults, loyal and eager to please, worked tirelessly to do the
children’s bidding. Making them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, cleaning up all of
their messes, and building larger and more elaborate tree houses for the children to play
And yet, the adults got no respect from children, these strange, short-legged creatures,
with snot running down their noses. With the adults all ready overworked and leaving no
times to themselves, the children demanded that they construct the coolest monument
yet- a grand tree house, one larger than all the tree houses before it, that all of kid-dom
could live in and play. And they called it “The Super Double Mega Triple Tree House”.
The adults worked endlessly around the clock to keep this seemly impossible vision,
while still keeping up with their cooking, lawn-mowing, and attending to their children’s
whims, like playing horesy. It was not long before seeds of dissent took root. Mr.
Wigglestein – a name that will never be forgotten. He was the first of his kind to rise up
against children, in what would come to be known as “The really bad thing that
At Mr. Wigglestein’s trial, the prosecution argued for a child’s right to play horsey
whenever and as much as he or she wanted. But Mr. Wigglestein testified that he had had
a rough day at work and just didn’t feel like playing horsey. Pressed to the point of
madness by his children’s constant whining, Mr. Wigglestein finally snapped. In a blind
rage he grabbed the child and rapidly paddled his bottom with his hand. This new, rather
sting-y act, was from then on called “spanking” and forever changed the relationship
between kids and adults.
The furious leaders of children quickly ordered the immediate exile of Mr. Wigglestein
and every one of his kind from every tree house on the planet. Banished from Childland,
the adults set off to find their own promised land, a place without tree houses, where
children wouldn’t always complain and jump up and down on the bed, a place they could
They christened this new place “Cleveland” and in time it prospered. The adults built
suburban houses, went to lecture series, and ate liverwurst sandwiches. Eventually, their
industries bred products that not even childhood could resist, and they called them “toys”.
But the adults’ demand for money, made it difficult for children to obtain these toys,
without having to stoop to tasks like delivering newspapers and mowing lawns for the
The children were outraged. Why should they be forced to pay for the adults’ creations,
when the adults were creations of their own? Many among them wished to simply take
the toys, but knew they could not do so, so as long as adults held the painful threat of
spanking over them. So the children devised a desperate act, one that kids would attempt
again in the future with similarly disastrous results – the destruction of coffee, the adults’
energy source. Without it, the children could march right into Cleveland and take the toys
from the cranky and powerless adults.
The prolonged bombing of Cleveland’s coffee shops lasted for weeks, but unlike the
children’s delicately and shoddily crafted tree houses, the adults’ coffee houses had
nothing to fear from water balloons.
Mr. Wigglestein: Hello adults! The age of children is over.
Numbuh 1: Outraged at the children’s unwarranted attack, the adults decided that the
children needed what they called “The big time out”.
Boy: Charge! [running and shouting, then see adults’ machines] Run away like little
Fat Boy: Oh, the pain! The sting-y-ness, oh the sting-y-ness!
Numbuh 1: Thus, did Cleveland’s troops advance outward in every direction, and one by
one, the tree houses of children fell. It was not long before childhood’s greatest
monument, the very symbol of their greed, came under attack, and the children ran away.
Adult (female): Victory!
Adult (male): That hurt them more than it hurt me.
Numbuh 1: With the fall of the Super Double Mega Triple tree house, the children fell
back to the only remaining place where they could escape the powerful adults – the moon.
Satisfied with their victory over the earth, the adults allowed the children to live on the
moon, where they could make all the noise they wanted and stay up all night eating candy
and watching cartoons. And for a time, it wasn’t so bad. But it was not long before
children began to yearn for the oceans they once swam in, the forests they once explored,
and the toys they once played with on earth.
It was at this very same time that adults fell victim to the same sins of laziness and greed
that had befallen the children before them. They missed having children do chores for
them – taking out their trash and shoveling snow from their driveways. So the adult
ambassadors came to the moon base, with plans for a civil, stable relationship with
children, one where they could all live on the earth in harmony and equality. The children
decided to willingly return to the earth and live together with adults in small groupings
called “families”. Children and adults could finally live together as equals.
Or could they?! Soon afterwards the adults created places to imprison children called
schools, where they drained out all of our memories so that we’d forget we created them.
And if that wasn’t bad enough, they invented homework and after school activities to
control us even more. And you know that buzz coming from the fluorescent lights above
your heads? That’s the adult microwave cranial jellifier slowly turning our brains into
milkshakes. And the stuff they serve on Thursdays in the cafeteria? It’s Rainbow Monkey,
they’re making us eat Rainbow Monkey! And then they make you brush your teeth,
because if your teeth rot out then they can’t implant the sub molar tracking devices they
use to tell where you go when you escape! It’s a lie! Everything you know is a lie!
Teacher: Mr. Uno. Mr. Uno that’s enough.
Numbuh 1: Rise up! Rise up and throw off the oppression! Rise up!
Teacher: That’s enough!!
Numbuh 1: But I was just getting to the good part.
Teacher: Mr. Uno that report has absolutely nothing to do with the signing of the
Declaration of Independence.
Numbuh 1: Doesn’t it, Mr. Frybingle?
Numbuh 2: I like the part with the giant robot war! [Makes machine-gun fire sounds]
Frybingle: Well I like when my students use their textbooks to write a report, and not
their ridiculous imaginations. So I’m giving you a double F minus.
[School bell rings]
Numbuh 2: Ah, he’s crazy Numbuh 1. How could he not like the part with the water
balloons? Oh, and the giant tree house was so cool!
Frybingle: They know.