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Somedays I just want to rant

I know i've been MIA for awhile. School is nearing the end and let me put it bluntly, it's hell. I need to sign up for my classes today, but I need overrides for all of them, so i'm waiting on an e-mail that i probably wont get any time soon.

I watched the first Inuyasha movie last night and i've only seen the first hour of it. I need to finish it up tonight because I promised to return it tomorrow.

My to do list:
1. Write FMA paper for HoAF (due 4/19)
2. Come up with and make project for Creative class (due 4/19)
3. Come up with and create project for Media design class (due 4/21)
4. Attempt to make something other than cofee for Production group
5. Do taxes (due 4/15) <-- done as of 4/9
6. Write a list of 25 possibilities for Creative class (due 4/7) <-- done right after posting
7. Make a resume (asap) <-- done right after posting

BTW its still me, just plain me. Nothing else has changed in my life, the only recent event that has occured was that I got into the visual language program. And of course after finding that out, i was in this strange state for 4 days saying to myself, "I don't belong in it. I don't deserve it. There are plenty of better artists than me. I suck. They don't want me. I'll ge thrown out. They'll realize it was a big mistake. I just slipped through the cracks. I was never meant to do this." Then i remember the pressure of possibly being the first one in my family to go through a 4 year university, and then my mind starts spinning again about letting everyone on both sides of the family down, and how I wish I didn't have this pressure.

I wish sometimes I could just be the slacker. I want to be the kid that isn't expected to do good. I want to be the black sheep. I want to be the one that they don't expect anything special from. Guess what family, i'm not special. I just want to be left alone. I just want to be myself. I dont want to make a huge fuss over things. Leave me alone. Let me just be myself.

So i think my rant is over now.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
orcapotter
Apr. 7th, 2005 09:57 am (UTC)
I know how you feel, as far as finally getting into something and then wondering if you're really worthy of it. It's probably just shock - you'll get used to the idea as time goes on ^^

::hugs::
anijgrl7
Apr. 7th, 2005 07:13 pm (UTC)
Yup, i know. Thankies.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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[kh] coloredmanga Namine
anijgrl7
Ani aka random hogwarts student #7
silentstardust.net

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